I Love Yellow

My favorite color is pink and I love red too, but I've always had a connection with yellow. My whole life, I've been drawn to the sun, I love lemons, teddy bear sunflowers are absolutely yummy and I always wanted blonde hair. Finally got the blonde hair thanks to the bottle. Have you ever seen someone's aura? I know that sounds hokey. The only time I've ever seen one is the day I met her. She was walking with my cute boy and she was full of life. There was yellow all around her. I didn't think much of it. It was summer. Everything was sunny and pretty. She was vibrant and strong.  I saw it. I saw her aura and it was yellow. I'm not surprised God showed me this as I've always loved yellow and been drawn to it. 

Last summer she was eager to get back to running as the shoulder we did the surgery on was healed. She ran on the team the year before because her swim career was over. She was a good runner and even with her shoulder dislocating during meets she powered through and didn't give up. She was strong. She eventually had to stop running mid season the year before because it was just too much with the shoulder but she did get the "I didn't quit" award that year at the banquet. You can imagine after all she went through after leaving her family and living with a new one and having shoulder surgery, charging her mother, missing her younger brother, two concussions, ptsd, panic and depression, this girl was eager to get back. She ran in the mornings with the cross country team for practice. She wanted to help lead the younger girls. She has a natural gift for including others. She tried. It was too much. The girls on the cross country team were so good. They looked out for her and when she had a panic attack and seized and passed out, they called me. The ambulance came once again and she was taken to Children's. We knew it was going to be okay but it was scary for anyone who'd never seen it happen.  It was too much to be back at the school where she had too many bad memories. Cross country wasn't going to happen for her. Ugh...I was so hoping she'd be able to do it and get out there again. But not yet. We needed to fix the other shoulder anyway so let's do it before school starts. 

The week before school, she had labrum surgery on her other shoulder. God love her. Why? Why was swimming so important to the point of these injuries? I worry about my runner and I know my husband and I would never push him to the point of body deterioration. It's not worth it. She recovered from surgery, and she started school. Again, we were hopeful she would be able to go and be a part of masses at school. Yeh....not so much. The alternative program she went to the spring before had been moved and kids were sent back to the big schools. It wasn't good. They were basically put in a room with a lap top. She was still dealing with flashbacks and panic attacks. Thankfully, my new job was actually my old job, working at the church in the moms day out program. I always tell people that I can only work in a 2 miles radius.  I was so happy to be back working with sweet kids and I cherished the flexibility it allowed me.I also loved that I was close to the church where I could pop in the chapel and light a candle and say a quick prayer. I was 2 miles from the school so if I needed to be there it would be fast. She did her best and tried hard. School was so much. The teachers she had were wonderful and so very understanding. I reminded her that everyone is pulling for her. I also reminded her that most teachers didn't support her mom and would never condone abuse towards kids. She felt like everyone looked at her weird. But I knew they weren't. People told me how proud they were of her and how she was strong. And they were praying for her. She tried to believe me. Being 16 and feeling defeated probably feels like drowning. We were her life support. With God's grace and guidance we continued to find avenues to help her. 


I still see yellow when I see her. I know when she grows up she will look back and see that she was Esther. Strong and courageous. She'll see high school was a blip on a radar. Such a short time and she'll see that her story will have inspired many. My husband always says teenagers live in dog years. Kids  say, "it was so long ago."  or "it lasted forever." meaning it was like last week and lasted a day. ha. I know she feels like she will always be stuck in this mode of panic and anxiety and abandonment, but I know she will come out of that cocoon and be a beautiful yellow butterfly! 

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