Lotus Flower

Have you ever paid attention to a lotus flower? Honestly, until last summer, I had not, at least not much. We had a cottage up in Northern Michigan and it had two swamps on it. The kids loved going over there to look for frogs and my husband loved telling them stories about when he was young and he'd fall in and how his sister's Scooby Doo flip flop just popped up to the surface after years of being gone. I think both my boys fell into the swamp at least once every year we visited. They reminded me of quick sand and those cheesy movies where people would just sink. Eek!  I was always a little freaked out by the swamps. I knew they were filled with life but I don't like tall grass and I especially don't like it touching me. Gives me the heebie jeebies just thinking about it. I'd take the kids over there so they could check things out. I always found the lotus flower absolutely amazing. It was the only thing blooming in that swampy water. How? One of God's beautiful creations that's for sure. That's about as far as my thoughts went with the flower. Once we left the cottage and went home, I didn't think about them again at least not for 10 years. I didn't know they had a special meaning. They're the only flower that blooms in mud. 

She adopted the lotus flower as her own. She'd say, "It's like me, I'm going to bloom from yuck too." I'd say, "yes, yes you are." She struggled with self esteem and with loving herself. It's hard enough being 16 years old especially in this world with social media. But, being 16 years old and literally turning your life upside down and learning to live with a new family and feeling complete abandonment by your biological family is hell. I loved she had the lotus flower to refer to. During this time she struggled with self harm. Truly, it's not uncommon and so many kids and adults deal with it. I learned there are many ways you can self harm. There's cutting which she did, there's not eating, there's binging and purging both of which she did. I understood that she came from a home that if you need control you do it through food. Her mother would often worry about her gaining weight especially after she was injured from competitive swimming. She was encouraged to eat vegan and not eat a lot and never eat anything that might cause weight gain. It's easy to see why she'd binge and purge. She said she felt numb. She couldn't feel anything, almost like a body that is in shock. When she would cut or have hunger pangs she could feel something.  We took each of those self harming situations serious and  in stride. We hated she felt the need to do it but I do know that it's common and kids and people who self harm are not likely to take their own life. Her counselor  reminded us she would be okay and she would learn to use other coping skills. 

Misconceptions of Self Harm

1. Self Harm is just cutting

* cutting, binging & purging, 

pulling hair out, head banging,

burning yourself & scratching yourself

2.It's For Attention

most people do not self harm for attention

however, if you see it, attention needs to be paid and they should 

seek therapy. 

 3. It's not only for adolescent kids

adults can suffer from self harming as well.

4.There are many diagnoses with Self Harm

depression, PTSD,anxiety, panic, bipolar, bulimia anorexia

5. It's Not Only Females 

the majority are female but males can self harm too.

6.No Treatment for Self Harm

False. With therapy people can learn other

coping skills.

7.You Can't Help

False. You can. Don't pass judgement just listen

and if possible help them seek treatment.

8.Self Harmering People Don't Feel It.

False again. Trust me they do feel it. The reason they do it is because they

feel numb and by actually cutting or having hunger pangs 

allows them to feel something. 

Recently, I was driving back from the beach. My husband called to let me know she was upset about something. I don't even remember what the problem was. When he is super upset, I'm the calm one and the strong one and vice versa. So, I just listened to him and said, "Ok, we'll handle it when I get home." I hung up and prayed out loud. "Lord please continue to bless our family and watch over us. Thank you for all you've done and we know you're always faithful. Help us continue to find ways to help her.  And Lord, please send angels to watch over the kids as they are driving home."  That was it, my prayer. About fifteen minutes later, I was crossing a bridge and I noticed all these white things. My eyes aren't that great anymore and I thought, what in the world? Is that a flooded cotton field? It hadn't rained that much to make the water so high but maybe I was wrong. I didn't think much more of it as I continued my drive home. I crossed another bridge and the same type of water with the same white things. DING! I said, OMG yes thank you! It was a pond, swampy water area filled with beautiful white lotus flowers. I know it was a sign from God. I've driven that a dozen times and I'm not saying they weren't there, I'm just saying they were not brought to my attention. He was once again saying, hang in there. It's going to be okay and I've got this. God knew that I would recognize the flower as being a good sign. It gave me peace as I finished my drive home.

Last summer she asked if she could get a lotus flower tattoo on her wrist. She said I will not cut there when I look at it. I'm not a huge tattoo fan but I love that one. I believe it has helped her in dark moments when she might have wanted to cut. We never had another moment of cleaning up blood on the bathroom floor. There were certainly moments that were less than perfect but we never did that again. 

We loved her no matter what, anyway, & in spite of. 

Love Always Wins!