dumbfounded
I remember that school year started off great. Everyone was happy and excited for the fall. Cross country season was in full gear and we were eager for football to start. We were making progress with the wedding plans as well.
As the weeks went on into the fall season, we learned things about our son's girlfriend's family. I mentioned in an earlier post that stories didn't add up. So many holes in the the stories the mom told me. She also told me how two years prior her oldest son who was just out of high school had taken her daughter, our son's girlfriend to Tennessee for a swim tournament for the weekend. I remember thinking, I won't even let my 18 year old son drive downtown let alone go for a weekend to Tennessee and be responsible for their younger sibling. As I was thinking that, I thought, "why? why didn't you take her for the weekend?" Seemed like an odd parenting move. That was the first of many odd neglectful parenting moves.
I don't exactly remember when we learned that the girlfriends older half brother molested her. I just remember thinking, "OMG!" The older half brother, the brother that took her to Tennessee two years prior had come home that July from something to do with the Marines. Instead of putting him in the bed with they younger brother, or on the sofa, or maybe even on an air mattress, they put him in bed with his sister. Which we've learned is illegal. The story has never changed. It haunts this sweet girl to this day. God love her. She finally told us and she said she had told her mom about it. Mom did nothing. Mom didn't want to mess anything up with oldest sons military career. or that's what we think. We've never asked her why she didn't protect her daughter. But, she was happy to let her daughter try and deal with what happened to her by herself. She just wanted to go to a counselor. That's what our son's girlfriend wanted. She even asked my husband and I if we would take her. We told her we couldn't as we weren't her parents and surely who mom and dad would help her. She said that her dad didn't know about the molestation yet. We encouraged her to tell him because he was her dad and dad's know how to fix things and make things better. She told him. She said he cried. He cried....That's it... By this time mom is saying, that it didn't really happen. You're making it up... But it did happen. Stop gas lighting! Gas lighting is a psychology term used with dealing with the narcissist. They say things to get in your head like that. "It didn't happen." But it did happen. And, it's not going away... It will be the one thing that exposes this family for who they are.
A few weeks went by. October was here and we were enjoying the last of the cross country meets. Halloween was just around the corner and the humidity thankfully was starting to break. I got a text from my husband saying our son's girlfriend had told the counselor at the school about everything that happened in her home. I learned that day of more abuse. Physical abuse and emotional abuse and of course the sexual abuse that took place that summer. "Had it ever happened at school?" The counselor asked. "Yes" said the girl. They pulled videos and sure enough there it was. The surveillance video captured the mom being threatening and hostile towards her daughter. No one saw the video until months later. The sweet girl had a bee sting and wasn't able to go to practice that day. Most parents would be like ok, no big deal, we'll talk about it later. But this parent literally goes out of the office and grabs her daughter. Unbelievable and so uncalled for. You simply do not do that. She claimed she was disciplining her. No. That is not discipline. You tell the child, "we'll talk about it later, now go to class." That's it. There's no going after her, there's not grabbing her and throwing her back in the office. No just no. The anger in the mom's face was frightening. And the daughter did not resist. She was clearly taken off guard.
The counselor had to call DHR and report this situation. Mom was removed from the home. Dad was there with the two kids. Older brother had gone back to school. Dad was supposed to take the kids to counseling. It never happened. She even asked my husband and I about it. Why wasn't he doing it? He left her alone in the house with little food. I remember my daughter and I took her to lunch one day and her order was large. I said, "We can get a box for that." She ate all of it. I'd never seen her eat that much in one sitting. She was starving. We fed her as often as we could.
I was so sad for this girl. I prayed and visited our chapel at church. I lit a candle for her as I still do today. "Lord please watch over this sweet girl and keep her safe." Her mom and dad took her phone and left her alone. So another abuse box to check..Isolation abuse. She went to her counselor at the school and asked about her case as she hadn't heard from her DHR case worker in a while. The counselor called and learned that her parents had retained a lawyer. A lawyer?! What in the world? What kind of parents are these people? You're supposed to be getting your family counseling and you go into self preservation mode!? My husband and I were dumbfounded. Surely this wasn't happening. People don't do this. Right? I mean not normal people.
As the weeks went on into the fall season, we learned things about our son's girlfriend's family. I mentioned in an earlier post that stories didn't add up. So many holes in the the stories the mom told me. She also told me how two years prior her oldest son who was just out of high school had taken her daughter, our son's girlfriend to Tennessee for a swim tournament for the weekend. I remember thinking, I won't even let my 18 year old son drive downtown let alone go for a weekend to Tennessee and be responsible for their younger sibling. As I was thinking that, I thought, "why? why didn't you take her for the weekend?" Seemed like an odd parenting move. That was the first of many odd neglectful parenting moves.
I don't exactly remember when we learned that the girlfriends older half brother molested her. I just remember thinking, "OMG!" The older half brother, the brother that took her to Tennessee two years prior had come home that July from something to do with the Marines. Instead of putting him in the bed with they younger brother, or on the sofa, or maybe even on an air mattress, they put him in bed with his sister. Which we've learned is illegal. The story has never changed. It haunts this sweet girl to this day. God love her. She finally told us and she said she had told her mom about it. Mom did nothing. Mom didn't want to mess anything up with oldest sons military career. or that's what we think. We've never asked her why she didn't protect her daughter. But, she was happy to let her daughter try and deal with what happened to her by herself. She just wanted to go to a counselor. That's what our son's girlfriend wanted. She even asked my husband and I if we would take her. We told her we couldn't as we weren't her parents and surely who mom and dad would help her. She said that her dad didn't know about the molestation yet. We encouraged her to tell him because he was her dad and dad's know how to fix things and make things better. She told him. She said he cried. He cried....That's it... By this time mom is saying, that it didn't really happen. You're making it up... But it did happen. Stop gas lighting! Gas lighting is a psychology term used with dealing with the narcissist. They say things to get in your head like that. "It didn't happen." But it did happen. And, it's not going away... It will be the one thing that exposes this family for who they are.
A few weeks went by. October was here and we were enjoying the last of the cross country meets. Halloween was just around the corner and the humidity thankfully was starting to break. I got a text from my husband saying our son's girlfriend had told the counselor at the school about everything that happened in her home. I learned that day of more abuse. Physical abuse and emotional abuse and of course the sexual abuse that took place that summer. "Had it ever happened at school?" The counselor asked. "Yes" said the girl. They pulled videos and sure enough there it was. The surveillance video captured the mom being threatening and hostile towards her daughter. No one saw the video until months later. The sweet girl had a bee sting and wasn't able to go to practice that day. Most parents would be like ok, no big deal, we'll talk about it later. But this parent literally goes out of the office and grabs her daughter. Unbelievable and so uncalled for. You simply do not do that. She claimed she was disciplining her. No. That is not discipline. You tell the child, "we'll talk about it later, now go to class." That's it. There's no going after her, there's not grabbing her and throwing her back in the office. No just no. The anger in the mom's face was frightening. And the daughter did not resist. She was clearly taken off guard.
The counselor had to call DHR and report this situation. Mom was removed from the home. Dad was there with the two kids. Older brother had gone back to school. Dad was supposed to take the kids to counseling. It never happened. She even asked my husband and I about it. Why wasn't he doing it? He left her alone in the house with little food. I remember my daughter and I took her to lunch one day and her order was large. I said, "We can get a box for that." She ate all of it. I'd never seen her eat that much in one sitting. She was starving. We fed her as often as we could.
I was so sad for this girl. I prayed and visited our chapel at church. I lit a candle for her as I still do today. "Lord please watch over this sweet girl and keep her safe." Her mom and dad took her phone and left her alone. So another abuse box to check..Isolation abuse. She went to her counselor at the school and asked about her case as she hadn't heard from her DHR case worker in a while. The counselor called and learned that her parents had retained a lawyer. A lawyer?! What in the world? What kind of parents are these people? You're supposed to be getting your family counseling and you go into self preservation mode!? My husband and I were dumbfounded. Surely this wasn't happening. People don't do this. Right? I mean not normal people.
