Children Do Not Break Their Own Hears


We were still dealing with all the psychological trauma. So many panic attacks and seizures. Seeing her in so much turmoil broke my heart. You can imagine after four months of no one in her family reaching out to her, she was going through true abandonment. I prayed that someone in her family would reach out. I prayed someone in her family would find us and step up and help. I would scream in my head, "What is wrong with this family? Where is everyone? Do they not care?" It was just bazaar.  What were her parents telling extended family? Good lord, she was 15 years old. A kid. Children do not break their own hearts. I continued to reach out via messenger to family members. No one responded. It was like an iron wall.


Late spring found us cheering on the track team and it also found us preparing for our first court date in regards to permanent custody. We had emergency custody which was necessary for school and medical reasons but, we needed permanent custody so we would receive child support. It was April and she had been with us since early December with out any financial support from her parents. We never ever minded paying for her, we truly didn't.  I mean, what's one more kid? But, you cannot just give your child to another family and walk away. You can't. So, we needed permanent custody so we could move forward .   We showed up for court and thankfully a friend joined us too. It was so great having her there with us even if to just talk. We were there all day. If you know me, you know I'm always hopeful. I was hopeful that everything would be resolved that day. It wasn't...They asked for a change of venue and with the system being so overloaded with family court cases, the judge granted it. We were devastated because we loved the GAL that was appointed. But, as I was learning, the court does not always do what we want. So, we just had to deal with it. Nothing changed, we still had emergency custody of her but it would be a year before anything else was settled. You'll see as the blog continues down the road that it was part of God's plan. We knew God had a bigger plan but it was still discouraging.

There were a lot of moments during this time that she would literally break down. We were here with open arms and support and eager to give her new opportunities. We were naive to think that she'd be able to accept them. She wasn't used to any of it. She wasn't used to a healthy tight knit family. A family that didn't just let go. A family that didn't have unrealistic expectations of kids. We didn't demand perfection, something she wasn't used to. I remember she was upset and she packed her bags saying she had called a friend to come get her. I met her at the top of the drive way as she waited for her friend and I said, "Call her and tell her there's no need to come over here. You are not going anywhere. You will turn around and take yourself back in the house. We will not be involving another family in this situation." I remember her mother once mentioned that I knew everyone in the community. I said, "yes, yes I do."  It didn't hurt that I worked eight years at our church and then four years at the office near the school. I believe God placed me in places that I'd meet amazing people that I would need in the future.  I knew the friend's mom who was headed to pick her up at our house. I messaged her and thanked her for loving this child and we are ok. She took herself back into the house and unpacked her bag.  It was a turning point for her. She saw that we weren't going to give up on her. We loved her no matter what. We loved her anyway and in spite of. We loved her unconditionally.

Never will I
leave you,
Never will I forsake 
you
Hebrews 13:5

I thought a lot about David during this time. I thought about how he felt God had forsaken him.  So many nights David felt like God had left him. I was beginning to feel that way too. And, she didn't even believe in God. Have you ever felt your heart literally sink? That's how I felt. I felt like we were never going to make progress with getting her to see herself as worthy and amazing like we saw her.  Looking back it was still so early and never hearing from anyone in her family didn't help. It was about this time that my daughter and I were visiting in our front room. It was our first experience with literally feeling like a spiritual battle was going on around our house. I know it sounds crazy. Trust me, I know but we felt it. We both looked at each other and said, "OMG, do you feel it?"Battles were being fought for her and for us. It was the creepiest feeling I'd ever felt...Spoiler...God wins...

Do not be
afraid or discouraged...
for the battle is not yours,
but God's
2 Chronicles 20:15

God is working for you 
tonight. Heaven is 
holding conversations about you
Angels have been assigned to you.
Be at Peace.
Lori McDonough

I made sure we were on prayer lists and I continued to light the candle in the chapel asking God to bless our family and to guide our path. Our family and friends continued to offer us love and support. Even with everything going on at home we managed to stay social and have fun. We loved watching the track team run and win. It was about this time that the boyfriend/girlfriend relationship ended. I figured it would, not many 15 year olds end up together and it was clear that God used my child in His plan. But, in real life, the one that was here on earth,  I had to deal with broken hearts. I had a son who was hurt because it is never fun to break up with someone. He has a sweet heart and never wanted to hurt her. And then I had one that was heart broken over being "dumped" as she says. So yay me! ha. Again by God's grace we got through it. We wanted our son to be able to experience high school the way our other children had. It was not his job to be an adult. He had amazing friends and I had him visit with a friend from church. I just wanted to be sure he was okay. I reminded him that God chose him and he should feel honored. Try telling that  to a 16 year old boy. ha. Good times... I pray that someday when he is older, he'll look back and thank God. Had he never crossed paths with her, she would probably not be alive today. 

I Chose You
I Wanted You
I Appointed You
I Set You Where You Are
John 15:16


Popular posts from this blog

All The Things

Image
 Here we are June 2023... How'd we get here so fast? Funny I should actually think that? Y'all we are going on 8 years. You know the saying, the days are long but the years are short. That absolutely applies here. There were days I didn't think would end. And, then I'd look up and another year passed. If you've read previous entries, you know I sort of write these with me looking back. I need to have Anna Leigh paint that picture. A lot sure has happened in 8 years. Refer to previous entries to learn all about it. Fast forward to now, to today, June 2023. Rick and I are legit empty nester people. Like what? I know! Crazy crazy!! It's good though. It's all good. Our children are all grown and living their lives. I keep reminding myself this is the goal. We made it to the finish line! Roots and Wings Tracy, you gave them roots and wings. Sometimes I catch myself thinking but do they know this or that? Did I teach them everything they need to know? Lord knows I...
Read more

Hot Damn! God's Beautiful Work Shining Once Again!

Image
 Really didn't expect to be writing a post so soon, but here I am! I always said this journey is God led and that doesn't mean easy, it means, God makes it possible.   I have prayed and prayed and prayed over the years for Kenley's family to know her, to reclaim her and bring her close.I think one of the ridiculous stories her parents gave was we took her from them.. Umm no, we certainly did not take her. Anyway,  I reached out since the beginning and I never heard from anyone. Listen, I know they weren't being told the truth. I know what manipulation and lies were happening so it's all okay. Her mom's side was awful, went into protection mode for golden child and that was that. But, I knew dad's side was different. I just knew it. I knew they were good people. And, they are good people! I told Kenley early on, she was probably 16 and we were talking. I said you are all going to grow up. Your cousins won't be kids forever and they will find you. I said, ...
Read more

Our Journey Together Is Over....

Image
My husband uttered the words to her. "Our journey together is over." He said, "It's now time for you to go and start building your life. Our cozy nest is not helping you grow anymore." Thinking about those words, our journey together... They make me sort of gasp. If you've read this blog, you know, that I see myself sort of standing on a beach looking back at all the years. To this day, I still shake my head and think, did that really happen? And, I can honestly tell you when I say I felt like we were in the twilight zone, looking back, we were in the twilight zone. With that being said, we managed to live. We managed to continue to put one foot in front of the other and go to work, and church, and vacations, and track meets and art shows and we celebrated weddings and birthdays, graduations, scholarships & anniversaries. We laughed and loved. Only by God's grace was that possible for us. But our journey together in our home is over. We both rea...
Read more