Always Hopeful

The beginning of September 2016 was a fun and exciting time for our family. Our daughter was getting married to the love of her life and we were thrilled! Only a few weeks away to the biggest party we'd ever throw!  The beginning of September  also meant Friday night lights were back. For years we've tailgated with the same friends before the high school football games. Everyone is eager to see each other after a busy summer and we're always excited to catch up on one another's lives.  One game in particular stands out in my mind. It was a big game as the team we were playing had never defeated us and they won the previous year ,so we had a rivalry on our hands. There were a lot of people there. I was walking into the stadium with friends and I looked over and saw her dad. I remember thinking, wow. He's just walking around like nothing happened. I mentioned to my friend that was her father and she was ready to confront him.  We didn't ... Silence is usually best in unbelievable circumstances. However, it's always good to have savage friends. (Just Saying)...I said, "It's unbelievable that he's here and my husband and I are raising his child." It was September and he had not spoken to her in almost a year. He knew nothing about his daughter and what she had been through the past 9 months.  I could not even comprehend it, it was so beyond me, it was beyond all my friends. I think she was at the game that night. You can imagine when we got home how distraught she was. Her own father was there in the same place as her and never once talked to her, never even tried.  Remember she was barely 16 years old. Unbelievable...

The only solace I had in seeing him be so arrogant that night was he was digging a hole and one day it would be one he could not get out of.  It would be one of many times through out the next several months he would expose himself for who he truly was.  I had to believe that God had a plan and as painful as it was to see, I had to believe it would all be okay. My heart broke for her. I  tried putting myself in her shoes. I always loved seeing my dad around town. I'd be so excited and happy to see him, always making sure he saw me too. Had that been me,  I probably wouldn't have been able to get off the ground out of utter devastation.  He was supposed to help her and he didn't. Reading the book, You're Not Crazy, It's Your Mother  helped me know that he would never ever step up.  He would never be a real father to his daughter. He was the empath to the narcissist and she had him in her control. Even knowing all that still broke my heart.  And, it didn't make it any easier trying to explain that to her. I can only pray that as she matures she'll see that it wasn't her fault. There wasn't anything she could do to make her father do the right thing. I've read that the empath in a toxic relationship eventually sees the light and gets out, but prayerfully, our girl will be long healed and moving mountains by then, never to look back.

To say I was angry with her dad is an understatement. A couple months later She did call him. She used my phone as he had her number blocked. He called her back and continued to blame her and call her a liar. I reached out to him through text asking him to please try to reconcile there relationship as he was her dad and I was sure being her father he would at least try. .... I never heard anything from him and neither did she. I wasn't surprised he continued to ignore her and abandon her, but I'm always hopeful.

I believe God can do anything and I know that when He starts something He will finish it. As mere mortal human beings, we are eager and impatient, but we do not want something unless it is truly finished and perfect. . I know I am so impatient. I've ruined many a pottery piece due to my eagerness to see the completed project. When that happens, I have no option but to start over, begin again and redo. Thankfully God allows do overs and through that process we'll end up with the perfect piece. It may take longer than we wanted but it's always worth it!  So, I continued back to square one with prayer and asking God to heal this situation and I knew he'd finish it as He started it. His hand was clearly in it and He was driving the bus. Gotta be honest it makes me a little uneasy to ask for patience because oh dear, you never know what you're going to get but faith tells us that it'll be okay. It'll all be okay in the end. So many times I heard "trust me."

I'd remind her that we "got her, no matter what, anyway, and in spite of." We had her unconditionally! 

God will never cause pain without allowing something new and beautiful to be born. He just never said it would be fast.